Full Moon
by nekohebi
Summary: Remus Lupin, disillusioned werewolf and ex-Marauder, unable to face the fact all of his friends are gone, drowns his sorrows to the sweet music of Sandy Denny.


This is a songficcy thing… It is beta'd by my dear friend, the long-suffering Demus.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. 'Full Moon' is a very nice song by Sandy Denny, who has a very nice voice. Guess who Remus belongs to…

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Remus Lupin, unemployed werewolf, was sitting in a seedy pub somewhere in Edinburgh, Scotland (the country just north of England, in Europe and somewhere on the planet Earth), drinking some unrecognisable beverage of the alcoholic persuasion (which could be bought in the rest of the world under the name paint remover). It was Halloween, and thus the three year anniversary of the day when his world fell apart with Lily and James dying and Peter quickly following as it turned out that Sirius had betrayed them all to Voldemort. And, as it had been a full Moon, he had returned to his human form, only to be told that the only one of his friends who was still alive was in Azkaban for murder of one of them, after betraying the others.

Feeling thoroughly miserable, mainly due to the fact he had no true friends left, he had another drink of the paint remover. He was wasting money, drinking it like his father used to, buying cheap booze that wasn't cheap enough. His bank balance was low- werewolves were shunned in almost all parts of society and employers were unwilling to take them on. They needed to take a lot of sick leave which made them scarcely worth their wages in the minds of the rare employers who held no prejudice against them. This was the reason for his lee-than-desirable financial status, and the reason why he couldn't afford the 'alcohol' he was throwing down his neck

Defiantly, he took another swig of the paint remover. It was some form of local speciality. It was very strong. The locals were drinking it like it didn't have a lethally high alcohol content.

Feeling rather emotional and a little drunk, he couldn't help but be swamped with memories – some painful – of his dear friends Lily, James and Peter, and his lover, Sirius,who had betrayed them all (but who he still loved in a way), as the song 'Full Moon' by Sandy Denny came on the new-looking jukebox (which was the only thing in the pub except Remus that looked less than 50 years old).

_Everybody else has gone,_

-Everyone's left me,- Remus realized, -All my friends are gone…-

_  
But you're still here with me._

-All I have left are these ever constant memories. As if I'll ever forget. I never stop thinking of them, my dear friends.-

_  
All the world is sleeping by and by._

-Even at night, when I sleep, I can't stop dreaming about them.-

_  
Through the windowpane_

-Everywhere I go, I can't escape. I am a werewolf without my pack.-

_  
The frosted light is streaming in,_

-However I try, I cannot hide from that.-

_  
Full moon sailing high across the sky._

-Full Moon is such a terrible time, filled with such regret for me…-

_  
Tonight is like the night when we first met._

-I'll never forget that night when I first met Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail, it touched me so deeply.-

_  
I always knew I never would forget you._

-I never will forget any of you!_- _

Come and hold me close,

-Oh, how I miss you, Sirius, James, Peter. I miss you hugging me after the full Moon. Sirius started it. I always felt miserable, tired and ill around the full Moon, and you, Sirius, you said I needed hugging, so you did. And the other Marauders joined in too, with hugging me better. And it worked, in its own way. You made me happy.-

_  
I miss you more than I can say._

-I shouldn't still miss you, Sirius, I shouldn't still love you, because you betrayed us all. But I do. I'm still in love with you.-

_  
I can't remember how I pass the time (with you away),_

-I truly can't remember how I survived without the Marauders to help me. They were my best friends. I feel lost without their jokes, their presence during the full Moon, their love.-

_  
Wondering if you'll ever know_

-But I doubt you ever will…-

_  
How much you mean to me._

-You meant the whole world to me.-

_  
I never dreamed there'd be a change of mind._

-Oh, Sirius, Padfoot, I truly never would have believed that you would change your mind about us. I really believed that you cared. How long were you fooling us for? When did you start betraying us?-

_  
Lover, this is where I want to stay._

-I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. Stay in my imaginary world where we are still children, still teenagers, still alive. Where you never betrayed us, Sirius, and would never even consider it, like you always told us. But you were lying.-

_  
Maybe it could always be this way._

-But it can't. I can't dream forever. Sometimes, I must wake and try to go through the motions of living.-

I recall you said to me

-So much you said to me. We used to have so many conversations…-

_  
A long, long time ago,_

-But everything happened so very long ago…-

_  
Don't you lose direction in the crowd (I think you could)._

-I never did like large, noisy crowds. I guess it is just the wolf within. I always tended to follow them, subsequently getting lost from my parents. Pack tendencies, the wolf again, I suppose.-

_  
But when I did you found me_

-The first time I saw you, Sirius, was in Diagon Alley. I was lost, adrift in a sea of unknown faces, and you showed me the way.-

_  
And I didn't even know._

-No, I didn't know you then, we'd not met then. Not properly. It was only later, on the Hogwarts Express, when we became friends. And it just continued from there.-

_  
I hardly even knew you were around and understood._

-I couldn't tell you I was a werewolf. Not you, James, Sirius, Peter, you meant too much to me. I didn't want you to find out my dark secret. I think I would have killed myself if I lost your friendship. But you worked it out. And it meant nothing to you. You didn't abandon me. Or did you? How long, Sirius? When did you turn traitor? I'm not too sure why I'm still alive now. I'm all alone.-

_  
I was reaching out each moment to be free._

-I never wanted to be a werewolf. Never wished for this curse, and would not wish it on anyone.-

_  
You were all those things I'd never be._

-Sirius, you were so beautiful, so charming, so amiable, so popular. All of you three, you could have been anyone. I might have envied you all, but I couldn't, really, you were my friends, and I loved you. James had a wife and son. Peter had just been promoted, in his job. And Sirius, Sirius, you betrayed us. Your betrayal stole all our lives. Why did you do it? The only one with a life left is me, and mine is one that is not worth living as much as yours. I never had the chances that you would have had. Few will employ a werewolf, or be friends with one._- _

Gentle music, rock away the sadness in me.

-I can't get over my grief. The sadness will remain with me forever more. This gaping wound…-

_  
Rock away my lonely yesterdays,_

-I've been alone ever since you betrayed us, Sirius, and the others died. I feel so lonely, but nothing will bring back the friends I knew.-

_  
Like pennies on the ocean_

-Money. I have little of it. Money isn't everything in the world, but I haven't got anything else left but what few knuts and pennies I have.-

_  
Till no trace of them I see,_

-And what little I have left I'm drinking away.-

_  
Till moonlight shows no ripples on the waves._

-I wish there was a cure for my curse. Maybe then my life wouldn't be in ruins like it is…-

_  
And then the clear reflection will remain._

-But my curse and these taunting memories will forever remain in my mind, always there…-

_  
Perhaps the same reflection_

-They will never fade, these memories will forever be as clear as when they first occurred…-

_  
Of that same full moon. _

-Both your betrayals were during the full Moon, Sirius. I never did fully forgive you for nearly leading Snape to his death at my claws, while we were at school. Did you like the feeling of nearly causing someone's death? Is that why you betrayed Lily and James? You caused their deaths. And then you killed Peter, as well as all those innocent Muggles. And I was still a wolf, and when I became human again, I was told what had happened. Why none of my friends could see me, talk to me, play with me as animals, just be with me ever again…-

As the song drew to a close, Remus was finally overcome with emotions, memories and some help from the paint remover (officially disguised as local beer) and burst into tears over his remaining drink.

A couple of the tough old locals glanced over at him, before shrugging and returning to their potentially deadly amount of paint remover, cunningly disguised as a nice alcoholic drink.

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Please Review! It'll make me happy!


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